{"fatawa":{"id":8112,"title":"Advice to one who does not want to get married","slug":"advice-to-one-who-does-not-want-to-get-married","order":"","question":"I am a young man and I do not want to get married. What should I do?.","answer":"Praise be to Allaah.\r\nYou should note that people are not all the same when it comes to marriage. The basic principle that marriage, which was the way of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), is prescribed, applies to all people, but it may be more important in the case of some people than others. \r\n\r\nIbn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: \r\n\r\nWith regard to marriage, people are of three types: \r\n\r\n1 \u2013 Some fear that they may fall into haraam things if they do not get married. Such a person has to get married, according to the majority of fuqaha\u2019, because he has to keep himself chaste and protect himself against doing haraam things, and the way to do that is getting married. \r\n\r\n 2 \u2013 For some it is mustahabb. This is the one who feels desire but there is no danger of his falling into haraam. It is better for him to get married than to devote himself to naafil acts of worship. This is the view of ashaab al-ra\u2019y and it is the view of the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them and their deeds). \r\n\r\nIbn Mas\u2019ood said: If I only had ten days to live and I knew that I would die at the end of them, and I had any desire to get married, I would get married, for fear of fitnah (temptation). \r\n\r\nIt was narrated that Sa\u2019eed ibn Jubayr said: Ibn \u2018Abbaas said to me: \u201cHave you gotten married?\u201d  \r\n\r\nI said: \u201cNo.\u201d \r\n\r\nHe said: \u201cGet married, for the best of this ummah are the ones with the most wives.\u201d Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5069). \r\n\r\nIbraaheem ibn Maysarah said: Tawoos said to me: \u201cEither get married, or I will say to you what \u2018Umar said to Abu\u2019l-Zawaa\u2019id: Nothing is keeping you from getting married except impotence or immorality.\u201d  \r\n\r\n3 \u2013 Those who have no desire, either because they were not created with any desire, such as one who is impotent, or they had desire but it has disappeared due to old age, sickness and so on. There are two opinions: \r\n\r\n(i)                It is mustahabb to get married because of the general meaning of what we have discussed.\r\n\r\n(ii)              Remaining single is better for him because he cannot achieve the purpose of marriage, and he would be preventing his wife from becoming chaste by marrying someone else. And he would be harming her by keeping her for himself, and he is exposing himself to obligations and duties that perhaps he cannot fulfil, and he is distracting himself from seeking knowledge and worship with something that is of no benefit to him. \r\n\r\nIbn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The apparent meaning of the words of Ahmad is that there is no difference between the one who can afford it and the one who cannot. He said: a man should get married and if he can afford to spend he should spend, and if he cannot then he should be patient.  \r\n\r\nThis applies to one who is able to get married. As for the one who cannot, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): \u201cAnd let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allaah enriches them of His Bounty\u201d [al-Noor 24:33]. End quote from al-Mughni (9\/341-344). \r\n\r\nAs this point we would like to ask you about the reason for this aversion to marriage. \r\n\r\nIf you think that not getting married is an act of worship by means of which you can draw closer to the Lord of the Worlds, and you think that if you avoid marriage this will raise you in status before Allaah, you are mistaken and there is the fear that you may be sinning. \r\n\r\nIt was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: Three people came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asking about the worship of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When they were told, it was as if they regarded it as too little. They said: Who are we in comparison to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)? Allaah has forgiven his past and future sins. One of them said: As for me, I will pray all night forever. Another said: I shall fast all my life and never break my fast. Another said: I shall keep away from women and never get married. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and said: \u201cAre you the ones who said such and such? By Allaah, I am the one who fears Allaah the most among you and I am the most pious, but I fast and I break my fast, I pray and I sleep, and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.\u201d Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5063) and Muslim (1401). \r\n\r\nSee also the answer to question no. 34652. \r\n\r\nIf you do not want to get married because you have no sexual desire, or you think that you are not able to fulfil the duties of marriage, and you are afraid of falling short in meeting a wife\u2019s needs, I say to you: In that case there is no sin on you if you do not get married, but do not rely on your thoughts and notions. Rather you should consult a specialist doctor and ask him for advice, for he is most able to diagnose your condition, and he may have some advice for treatment that has never crossed your mind. So do not hesitate to visit him and do not let shyness stop you, for matters of medical treatment are not the place for shyness. \r\n\r\nIf you say that you are afraid of being poor, and you do not have enough wealth to look after a family, I say to you: Try your best to earn a living and be content and think positively of Allaah, for He has promised on the lips of His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that He will help the one who wants to be chaste and seeks that which is halaal by getting married. \r\n\r\nIt was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: \u201cThere are three whom Allaah is bound to help: the mujaahid who strives (in jihad) for the sake of Allaah, the mukaatib (a slave who has made a contract of manumission with his master) who wants to pay off his manumission, and a man who gets married, seeking to remain chaste.\u201d Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1655), classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.  \r\n\r\nIf you have something that you want to achieve \u2013 such as a certificate, a position, a project and so on \u2013 and you say that you want to achieve that first, then you will get married, we say to you: Why are you ignoring marriage for that reason? \r\n\r\nMarriage has never been a barrier to achieving things, rather in most cases it is a support and a help. That is just the whisperings of the shaytaan, which he has instilled in the minds of many young men so that it has become prevalent in our culture and society, and you hear many of those who have delayed their own marriages or the marriages of their sons and daughters saying such things, and our society has become burdened with problems resulting from large numbers of single men and women, and the delay of marriage, but despite that we have not seen any achievement, development or progress, whereas the first generation of Muslims used to hasten to do good and they did not delay marriage, and their achievements were the greatest and most complete of achievements. \r\n\r\nShaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo\u2019 al-Fataawa (20\/421): \r\n\r\nWhat is required is to hasten to get married, and no young man or young woman should delay marriage for the sake of studies, because marriage does not prevent any such thing. It is possible for a young man to get married in order to protect his religious commitment and morals, and enable him to lower his gaze. Marriage serves many purposes, especially in this day and age. Because delaying it is harmful for both young women and young men, every young man and every young woman should hasten to get married if there is a man who is compatible with the woman, and if a man can find the right woman. End quote. \r\n\r\nAnd over and above all that, how about if you realize that marriage will protect half of your religion? \r\n\r\nIt was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: \u201cWhomever Allaah has blessed with a righteous wife, He has helped him with half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half. Narrated by al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak (2\/175), al-Tabaraani in al-Awsat (1\/294) and al-Bayhaqi in Shu\u2019ab al-Eemaan (4\/382). Al-Haakim said: This is a hadeeth with a saheeh isnaad, although they (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) did not narrate it. Al-Dhahabi said in al-Talkhees: it is saheeh. It was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb (2\/192).  \r\n\r\nHow about if you realise that by getting married, you will have followed the advice of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said:  \u201cO young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one\u2019s chastity.\u201d Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5065)and Muslim (1400). \r\n\r\nHow about if you realize that by producing a righteous child you will have ongoing charity (sadaqah jaariyah), if you raise him with good morals and faith, and you will be rewarded for your marriage if you seek reward with Allaah for that. See the answer to question no. 8891. \r\n\r\nBy getting married, you will be protecting yourself, lowering your gaze, and closing the door to one of the greatest means by which the shaytaan deceives people. You may not feel the seriousness of that now, but fitnah may come from places a person does not realize, so you should be keen to close the door before it is opened without you realizing it. \r\n\r\nThe Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: \u201cI have not left behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women.\u201d Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5096) and Muslim (2741). \r\n\r\nMarriage is a source of tranquillity and peace, and it is the best of the pleasures of this world. In it is that which Allaah has made a sign for His slaves, and He has mentioned it in His Book so that they may think and ponder the greatness of His might, may He be glorified and exalted. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): \r\n\r\n\u201cAnd among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect\u201d\r\n\r\n[al-Room 30:21] \r\n\r\nCan there be any hesitation after this? \r\n\r\nBe resolved and put your trust in Allaah, and Allaah will help you, and will provide you with a righteous wife who will help you to obey your Lord and He will bless you with righteous offspring who will be a stored treasure for you with Allaah in the Hereafter. \r\n\r\nSee also the answer to question no. 6254. \r\n\r\nAnd Allaah knows best.\r\n\r\nIslam Q&A","status":1,"created_at":"2014-10-30T20:51:57.000000Z","updated_at":"2014-10-30T20:51:57.000000Z","language_id":1,"fatawacate_id":34,"parent_id":8111,"author_id":"","books":[],"articles":[],"videos":[],"audios":[],"author_name":"","category_name":"Fiqh of the family - general","category_slug":"","get_date":"2014-10-30"},"translations":[],"fatawa_books":[],"fatawa_articles":[],"fatawa_videos":[],"fatawa_audios":[],"url":"http:\/\/islamland.com\/eng\/api\/fatawas\/8112"}